Trap [ I received this letter today }

For many years, I too was caught in that trap.

That trap where you love God, you love life, but some days
things just go wrong; and you don't seem to care whether you live
or die, or what happens.

I call it the suicide trap.

It's the worst place in the world to be. Not caring enough
about yourself or the world around you to live

...caring too much to die.

You're stuck.

You want to commit suicide, but you know it's wrong. You
don't know why it's wrong, so you chicken out, don't do it, but
in all actuality, you are saved by the grace of God.

I was in this trap for many years, including childhood. I am
Christian, I love God, God loves me. I know suicide is wrong,
I know it's not the solution. I know what it leaves behind.
None of that mattered in the past, I still felt suicidal often.
I didn't know how to beat it, probably because I didn't
understand it.

This morning, I opted not to go to church. I opted not to go to
church because I felt God telling me not to. I know what you're
thinking, why would God tell someone not to go to church?
It was strange at first, I admit, but it's what I felt, so I
didn't go.

Generally first thing in the morning, I check my e-mail, I make
breakfast and I have a soda before I go about my daily routine.
Generally, it will be afternoon, sometimes early evening before
I turn the television on.

This morning, I felt compelled to turn the television on at 7am.
For someone who usually sleeps until 10am, to be awake with the
television on at 7am is something.

I flipped through the channels. It never ceases to amaze me how
many channels are on cable these days. It never ceases to amaze
me how many channels there are, yet how little there is to
watch.

I flipped through the channels and found that the only things on
at 7am on Sunday morning are church, sports, and infomercials.
I'm not a fan of sports; I could care less about infomercials,
so I chose church.

I looked at the options; normally I would watch Joel Osteen. I
left the channel there for a minute; he was preaching about
sunshine and love again.

I was in a bad mood. I didn't want to hear about love and
sunshine. I could care less about the birds in the sky. I
wasn't in the mood for an "everything is coming up roses" sermon.
I usually watch Joel Osteen. I like Joel Osteen because he is
positive. This morning, I wasn't in the mood for positive.
I turned the channel.

It was an African American preacher.
He was talking about death.
I didn't know the second preacher.
I hadn't heard him before.
All I knew was that he was an African American and was talking
about death.

Joel Osteen's love and life and sunshine sermon was my first
option. This unknown preacher's message on death was my second
option.

I choose the second option.

Why would I choose a message about death over a message about
sunshine and love? I wasn't sure at the time. The message was
pretty straightforward. Death has no right to come into my life
and choose when it's time for me to go! Huh? What the heck was
this guy talking about?

What did he mean death had no right?
Death is just death, what was this guy talking about?

I didn't know what he was talking about, but he caught my
attention. I listened further.

There is no death for the righteous! In that the righteous live
forever in Heaven when they "die" on earth.

Okay I knew that already, where was all this headed? I still
didn't know.

1 Corinthians 15:26 "The last enemy to be destroyed is death."
Okay, so death can't be from God, because if the "last enemy to
be destroyed is death" God would be destroying a piece of
Himself, so that cannot be the case.
Enemy = opposition.
Death can't be from God, because God can't oppose Himself.
Death is not just an occurrence.
Death is a person.
Whoa! Stop right there.
Death is death I thought.
What do you mean death is a person, I was totally confused.

Revelation 6:7-8 "When the Lamb opened the fourth seal, I heard
the voice of the fourth living creature say, 'Come!' I looked
and there before me was a pale horse! Its rider was named
Death, and Hades was following close behind him."

Then it made sense.
Death was a person.
Hades was a place and also a governing spirit, and could also be
considered a "person."

If Death and Hades were friends, why would I want to be friends
with them?

I didn't.

I wanted to be friends with God; I didn't want to be friends
with Death or Hades. In choosing suicide, I was choosing
friendship with Death and Hades.

In choosing life, I was choosing friendship with God.
The choice was easy.

I knew the choice I would make from that day forward,
in my heart, in my head, and in my mind.

I choose LIFE instead of DEATH.

I am sharing this hoping it helps someone else who's been stuck
in the suicide trap for many years, as it really helped me.

Choose LIFE not DEATH; you'll be glad you did, and God will be
glad you did!

The Difference in Heaven and Hell

A man spoke with the Lord about heaven and hell.

The Lord said to the man, "Come, I will show you hell."

They entered a room where a group of people sat around a huge
pot of stew. Everyone was famished, desperate and starving.

Each held a spoon that reached the pot, but each spoon had a
handle so much longer than their own arm that it could not be
used to get the stew into their own mouths.
The suffering was terrible.

"Come, now I will show you heaven," the Lord said after a while.

They entered another room, identical to the first - the pot of
stew, the group of people, the same long-handled spoons.
But there everyone was happy and well-nourished.

"I don't understand," said the man. "Why are they happy here
when they were miserable in the other room and everything was
the same?"

The Lord smiled, "Ah, it is simple," he said.
"Here they have learned to feed each other."

The Bell

The Bell


I really hope you take the time to read it all. I've held many
things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I've
placed in God's hands that I still possess.

Just up the road from my home is a field with two horses in it.
From a distance, each looks like every other horse. But if you
stop your car or are walking by, you will notice something
quite amazing.

Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is
blind. His owner has chosen not to have him put down, but has
made a good home for him. This alone is amazing. If nearby and
listening, you will hear the sound of a bell. Looking around
for the source of the sound, you will see that it comes from the
smaller horse in the field.

Attached to her halter is a small bell. It lets her blind
friend know where she is, so he can follow her. As you stand
and watch these two friends, you'll see how she is always
checking on him, and that he will listen for her bell and then
slowly walk to where she is, trusting that she will not lead him
astray.

When she returns to the shelter of the barn each evening, she
stops occasionally and looks back, making sure her friend isn't
too far behind to hear the bell.

Like the owners of these two horses, God does not throw us away
just because we are not perfect or because we have problems or
challenges. God watches over us and even brings others into our
lives to help us when we are in need.

Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by the little
ringing bell of those who God places in our lives. Other times
we are the guide horse, helping others see.

Good friends are like this. You don't always see them, but you
know they are always there.

Please listen for my bell and I'll listen for yours.

The Poem

THE POEM

I knelt to pray but not for long,
I had too much to do.
I had to hurry and get to work
For bills would soon be due.
So I knelt and said a hurried prayer,
And jumped up off my knees.
My Christian duty was now done
My soul could rest at ease.
All day long I had no time
To spread a word of cheer.
No time to speak of Christ to friends,
They'd laugh at me I'd fear.
No time, no time, too much to do,
That was my constant cry,
No time to give to souls in need
But at last the time, the time to die.
I went before the Lord,
I came, I stood with downcast eyes.
For in his hands God held a book;
It was the book of life.
God looked into his book and said
"Your name I cannot find.
I once was going to write it down...
But never found the time"

The Silver Cord

Some day the silver cord will break
And I no more as now shall sing ;
But , O, the joy when I shall wake
Within the palace of the King

Some day my earthly house will fall ,
I cannot tell how soon ‘twill be ,
But this I know ,my all in all
Has now a place in Heav’n for me .

Some day when fades the golden sun
Beneath the rosy-tinted west
My blessed Lord will say , Well done !”
And I shall enter into rest .

Some day till then I’ll watch and wait ,,
My lamp all trimmed and burning bright ,
That when my Savior opens the gate ,
My soul to Him may take its flight .
Jan Bagwell

Look Beyond

Look beyond your sufferings
Look beyond your fear
Look beyond your adversity
And find the Lord so near
Look beyond the problem
Look beyond the now
Look beyond the turmoil|
And before Him humbly bow
For, inlooking beyond and bowing,
You will find your normal sight...
Takes on spiritual vision
In God's sustaining light.
Jan Bagwell

THE GARDEN

Come to the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses...

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FOR THE GARDEN OF YOUR DAILY LIVING, PLANT THREE ROWS OF PEAS:
1. Peas of mind
2. Peas of heart
3. Peas of soul

PLANT FOUR ROWS OF SQUASH:
1. Squash gossip
2. Squash indifference
3. Squash grumbling
4. Squash selfishness

PLANT FOUR ROWS OF LETTUCE:
1. Lettuce be faithful
2. Lettuce be kind
3. Lettuce be patient
4. Lettuce really love one another

NO GARDEN IS WITHOUT TURNIPS:
1. Turnip for meetings
2. Turnip for service
3. Turnip to help one another

TO CONCLUDE OUR GARDEN WE MUST HAVE THYME:
1. Thyme for each other
2. Thyme for family
3. Thyme for friends

Water freely with patience and cultivate with love.
There is much fruit in your garden
Because you reap what you sow.

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